UNCG ADMINISTRATION ACCIDENTALLY SPENDS $91m ON NEW “JIM”
GREENSBORO- In a press release on Tuesday, the Administration of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro confirmed rumors that, due to a clerical error, the $91 million earmarked for the construction of a state-of-the-art University Athletic Center had instead been spent on hiring a local man named Jim.
James “Jim” Doblowski (inset, top right), 46, of High Point is now employed by the University under a 5-year renewable contract with a $91 million signing bonus. Neither UNCG nor Mr. Doblowski have disclosed the new annual salary of the former Foot Locker employee, but sources in the administration suggest that it is “roughly equivalent to the operational costs of a large collegiate athletic center.”
"In our defense," said a spokesperson from the school, "the words ‘Gym’ and ‘Jim’ sound pretty much exactly the same. It appears that the transcribed minutes from a Board of Trustees meeting regarding the new ‘gym’ were accidentally filed with the Human Resources department. Rest assured that the individuals responsible for this oversight will be put on probation and recommended to the UNCG Campus Literacy Center."
Mr. Doblowski declined an interview, stating only that he was currently “ripped off his tits in the back of a Bugatti”